


we will go through this together

by void_crows



Category: Homestuck
Genre: Depression, Earth C (Homestuck), First Kiss, Happy Ending, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, his best bro is here to cheer him up tho, john is depressed
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-29
Updated: 2020-07-29
Packaged: 2021-03-06 07:22:19
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,436
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25599511
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/void_crows/pseuds/void_crows
Summary: Your name is John Egbert and you are depressed.You are also in love with your best friend.
Relationships: John Egbert/Dave Strider
Comments: 4
Kudos: 37





	we will go through this together

**Author's Note:**

> Hello johndave fandom. Today I offer you: depressed John. Don’t worry tho, this won’t be sad. 
> 
> As always I apologize for my English and any mistakes you might come across.

Your name is John Egbert and you are depressed.

You squint at the clock on the bed stand beside your bed. It says 3 pm, you think. You're not entirely sure, not with your glasses lying on the bed stand as well, within your reach but you haven't had the motivation to put them on yet. Not when you're not planning to leave your bed any time soon.

For the longest time you've been arguing with yourself whether you are actually depressed or not. As a kid, you never thought that you would turn out to be in a existential crisis by the time you're 23. You also never thought that your mental health was different than the average. You still don't think it is. It doesn't feel like it, anyways.

But last night you texted your friend Rose. After a bit of smalltalk she started to address your state. She talked about how you never leave the house, about how all of your friends had become worried, especially Dave. She talked about how your reactions to your life after the game are normal considering the circumstances, about how you shouldn't feel ashamed to be depressed. But that you still needed to work on it, for the sake of your mental health.

Depression. The word feels heavy in your mouth. Is this really what your life had come to be? You don’t want to worry your friends. You don’t want to worry Dave. You care about them and they care about you so much that burdening them like this just feels unfair.

Dave comes by on an almost daily basis. He didn't always use to do that though. Some time ago, when you would actually would leave the house, you two would have sleepovers at his house, or go to the cinemas to watch a movie, or just catch up and talk about stuff you two had been up to while taking a walk through the park. Sometimes he had come to your house, yes, to do a movie marathon and pass out on your couch ("Nicolas Cage isn't THAT boring, Dave!"), pressing up to you in that simple manner that made your heart flutter and question everything about that special person next to you.

You never said anything about that weird feeling that blossomed in your chest every time he would brush his fingers against your arm, or when you both would tiredly lean against each other during move night, or when you two would share a bed for the night, even though you have a guest bedroom, but sometimes "two bros just have to get their snuggle on". You never said anything about it and it makes you feel miserable. You're not really sure why, because you doubt he'd ever feel the same way about you. That place is reserved for other people, you think. You're not sure. You're too scared to ask about his love life anyways. You try not to think about it too much, but actually you do. 

Back to reality: you roll over in bed to catch your phone which still lies on your bed beside you because you forgot to put it away last night. Squinting at the screen, you see a few notifications and some messages from Dave. You decide to click on those.

TG: hey can i come over later y/n   


TG: so its been a few hours and i get if you dont have the energy to hang out but also i really want to so please at least answer   
TG: its okay if you say no i just wanna know if i should pack my awesome sleepover backpack or not   
TG: i got some shitty movies from karkat to make fun of   


You look at the time. Wow. It's 4:30 pm. Not your proudest moment.  
You lazily type out a reply.

EB: hi, sorry for not answering, i was sleeping.   
EB: of course you can come over.   
TG: sweet but also   
TG: were you sleeping till just now   
EB: ... maybe.   
TG: jesus christ   
TG: okay ill be over in half an hour   
TG: be ready until then sleeping beauty <3   
EB: i await you, prince DORK.   


With a sigh you put away your phone and rub at your eyes. You don't feel ready to see anybody yet but meeting up with Dave always makes you feel better. Which is one of the worst things about your fondness of Dave: he's one of the few things in life that still make you happy. It's a terrifying thought, being so dependant on one person. You think he'd be terrified of it too, if you ever told him, which you won't.

You spend a few more minutes scrolling on your phone until you tell yourself that you should probably change or something before Dave comes over. Apparently you forgot put on your pj's last night, so you change your current shirt to a fresh one. After putting on some pants as well, you sit down at the couch and wait for Dave.

Exactly half an hour after sending his message (you looked at the clock to make absolutely sure) Dave knocks on your front door. He's always perfectly on time, not a minute too early or too late. You think it might be a side effect of his time powers. All of you had some kind of leftover from your Sburb powers. The wind is still connected to you in a way, that makes you feel like you are controlling it, even when you are not doing it (on purpose).

When you open the door, Dave smiles at you for two seconds before rushing past you into your house. "How's it going?", he asks, as he plants down his backpack on your couch and starts to empty its components onto your table.

"Oh. You know. Same as usual."

He raises an eyebrow. "So... bad?"

"Basically", you groan while taking a seat on the couch beside him. 

He finishes emptying his backpack and looks into your direction. "Well, I'm sure these movies will cheer you up. There are so bad that you will _have_ to laugh about them. I promise." You have seen troll movies. He's not lying. You do like Karkat but his movie taste really is bad and you like a LOT of movies so that's saying something. "I also brought chips", he continues, pulling the plastic bag out of his backpack. "And popcorn. You got AJ?" 

You hum as you walk into the kitchen to warm up the popcorn in your microwave and get the apple juice from your fridge, which you got in store for when Dave comes over. You watch the popcorn pop while holding Dave's juice in your hand and leaning against the counter. Dave actually manages to get you out of your miserable state, even if it's only for a little while, even if it's by forcing you to watch a few movies with him. You don't think you'd have the mental energy to meet up with somebody else. It's easy with him, you two get each other and he's respectful of you. You don't feel like you deserve him because you should be a better friend for him. You should actually show some effort to spend time with him as well, but it's just so hard to motivate yourself to do anything. The thought that he doesn't even know how much you appreciate him being there scares you. He does so much for you. You only sulk in your room the entire day and can't even manage to tell him how glad you are that he's here for you. It's all very pathetic, you think. 

Suddenly you feel a tap on your shoulder. "Hey, bro, I think the popcorn's ready."

"Huh?" You blink at the microwave. It is indeed ready. You must have zoned out or something. That happens a lot these days. "Oh yeah. Right." You take the popcorn bowl out of the microwave and saunter towards your living room, Dave following you.

"So, Rose talked to you last night, right?"

"Yeah? What about it?" You set down the snacks on the table by the couch and feel a hand on your shoulder. 

"I just.." He pauses. "I just think that you should listen to her. To us. I actually don't enjoy seeing you being this miserable."

"I'm not miserable", you say as you plop down on your couch, pushing yourself away from Dave's warm touch. 

"Right you're not."

"Yeah, I'm not! Look at me, I'm on movie night with my best friend! I feel great!" To emphasize this, you stretch out your arms in what is supposed to be a display of happiness but probably only looks very dumb.

Dave puffs, annoyed. "John, you haven't left your house once in over three weeks. You woke up at 4 pm today. That doesn't really sound great." He sits down beside you and lifts his hand, as if to place it down on your shoulder once again, but instead it hovers in the space above for several seconds before he withdraws it again." And I don't want you to pretend. Don't say you're happy when it's so clear to everyone that you're not okay. And I don't want you to pretend about this..." (and here he makes a gesture with his other hand, indicating the space between you two) "... either because, I get it. And it's okay. You don't feel like doing social interaction. I don't wanna force you to do these things with me, when you're not feeling up to it? I thought that maybe you'd appreciate it, us hanging out, but talking to Rose yesterday made me realize that I didn't even know how bad you are doing. And I'm your best bro. I should have known. I should know that you are not feeling okay. I'd feel stupid knowing I was forcing you to watch dumb movies with me when you actually don't feel like seeing anyone. I don't wanna get on your nerves and make this whole situation more unbearable for you. I should.." He looks down at the popcorn bowl. "Maybe I should leave you alone."

Oh, he is so stupid. You like him a tremendous amount but at the same time he's so stupid. "Dave, what? For real? You think I don't enjoy our movie nights? Dude, I would have absolutely said something if I didn't, okay? This is a ridiculous accusation. You are ridiculous."

Dave mumbles something under his breath. "Your face is ridiculous." You smile triumphantly when you see his mouth crook slightly upwards. 

You let out a sigh. "I know that I'm not doing great. I tried to ignore it but yeah, I don't feel good. And yeah, I'm not feeling up to being all social and stuff either. But you know what?" You smile at him. "You're an exception. Of course I like spending time with you! I also enjoy watching dumb movies together!!" 

Dave is silent for a bit. "But.. you don't feel okay? So how are you okay with _this_?" 

Oh boy. Time to get emotional. "You're special. You're my best bro, spending time with you is always the best thing to do and even despite my depression..." That word still feels so strange in your mouth, ".. I always feel happy when you're around." Wow, that was mushy. Way to go Egbert. 

"Wow, that was mushy", Dave says, almost like he can read your mind, but he's smiling at you and it makes your stomach feel wobbly. "You make a guy feel all flustered." And then he's winking and oh god, does he even know what he's doing to you?? And when did he get so close to you??? 

"But still", he continues and his face turns all serious again, "I don't wanna force you to watch a movie with me if you actually don't wanna. But if it's true, and you do want to, well damn then I'm not complaining either. Because I actually enjoy it a lot too. You're uh.." His eyebrows furrow together as he smiles a nervous smile. "You're pretty special to me, too. The most special."

Oh god, you can't take this any more! You don't have the time to realize that you actually said that out loud, as you crash your lips onto Dave's in what you would call the most romantic kiss ever. Maybe. Not really. 

It's actually kinda terrible. Your glasses make an alarming sound as they crash against Dave's shades and it manages to make the entire thing super uncomfortable. The kiss too is super forceful and not comfortable at all and this is totally not what you wanted this to go like! And why are you kissing your best bro in the first place oh my _godwhatareyoudoingdaveisgonnahateyouforthis-_

You break away after what only must have been a couple of seconds. Why did you do this, you just ruined everything! You hesitantly open your eyes and look at Dave. His mouth is slightly open and his cheeks are tinted reddish. His eyebrows are raised high in a way that suggests that his eyes are probably wide open. He looks shocked. 

"John", he says, voice thick with something you can't place and oh god you never wanted to sink more into the ground than right now. 

"John", he repeats and he doesn't look that shocked anymore, as he places his hand on your arm. He looks... concerned. Probably because you are _really freaking out right now_. "Are you okay?" 

You want to hum affirmatively but the sound that leaves your body is downright pathetic. Oh god, you can't do this!

"Are... uh.." Now he looks embarrassed and you are freaking out again but he seems to notice because a moment later he is rubbing circles with his thumb into your arm and it is surprisingly grounding and reassuring. You got this. Dave is not gonna hate you, he's cool and a good friend, he wouldn't do that! You hold your breath as he opens his mouth to continue. "Are... hmmm.. are you... what was that?"

That's a legit question. What _was_ that? You just kissed your male best friend. On the mouth. During a very emotional conversation. Because he was there, looking all cute and smiling at you, being close to you. You got overwhelmed! You just had this urge to kiss him and did it! Now you get the chance to confess or deny your feelings forever. However you're not sure what option is more appealing. "Uh.. a kiss?" More like a brutal collision of lips, but whatever. 

Dave still looks conflicted as he asks the next question. "Why?" 

Wow, you feel like crying. You can't just tell him you like him! It would be super embarrassing and maybe destroy your friendship too! But you also don't want to lie to him. He's your best friend and your favourite person in the world and you feel like it's really unfair to lie to him. 

Dave must have noticed your inner crises because now his hand is on your back and he's rubbing circles into your back and making "shhhh" noises and, this is nice. "It's okay, you don't gotta say anything, just.. don't cry please."

You haven't even noticed that you‘ve started crying. But now you can feel a single tear run down your cheek. Oh god, you're not making this situation any better. 

You don't wanna lie to Dave. And you feel like he wouldn't hate you, even if he didn't return your feelings. Even now, after you have violently kissed him, he's here, comforting you and hugging you, even though he has no clue what just happened. He's too good for you. You don't deserve him. 

"I..", you start, your voice sounding muffled as you grip the front of Dave's shirt, softly, and sort of bury yourself in his embrace. "I love you."

Silence. You notice that Dave has stopped rubbing circles into your back and you already miss it. You wait in fear as the seconds go by, neither of you saying anything. Dave is not moving away from the embrace though so that's a good thing. 

"In a bro way?", you hear Dave's slightly nervous voice coming from above. You're glad you're buried into his shirt so you don't have to look at him while having this conversation. 

"... No." Before he can ask any other dumb questions you add, "In a romantic way." 

You feel Dave moving away from you and you look up. Sometime during your embrace Dave must have removed his shades because he is looking at you unguarded. His eyes are so vulnerable and full with an emotion you can't place. He doesn't look angry. That's a good thing. 

"Do you really mean that?", he says and combined with that look in his eyes it almost sounds hopeful. You nod and he lets out a sigh before he suddenly pulls you into another hug, an actual one, with his face on your shoulder and his arms around your back. His breath is warm on your ear as he opens his mouth to speak again. "I love you, too." And it sounds so incredibly sincere that you feel like crying once again.

In fact, you do start crying. Pretty embarrassing but you did just confess your love to each other. Despite how overwhelmed you feel by all this, you start laughing through your tears and soon you feel Dave laughing next to you and for a moment, everything's okay.

"I was so scared", you rasp out between laughs, "that you would hate me for this."

You feel Dave's arms tighten around you. "John, I could never hate you, you know that, right? Even if I was the straightest dude on the planet, which I am not but like, even if I was, I wouldn't hate you. Ever." His body warmth is the most comforting thing, and you don't understand how you haven't started hugging like this forever ago. "Besides I actually... I thought you were straight? So I kinda just, assumed you would never be into me." He moves back again, to look you in the eye. "I'm really fucking happy you're not tho. Straight, that is."

You smile at that and you see Dave's eyes sparkle with wetness. You two really are a bunch of emotional idiots, huh? 

You lean back into him so you don't have to look at him while you say the next thing. "But I get if you... don't want to, like, date me. I'm probably not the best person to date, with me being all miserable and stuff, so I totally would understand if you didn't-" 

"John, shut up. Are you crazy, of course I wanna date you. I've wanted to since we were thirteen." Your heart hurts a little at this. That's a long time. "I mean, of course, only if you want to? I just assumed that's what you wanted to do hah, I dunno, is that not what you wanna do, we can totally not do that if you don't want to, we can just, uhh, do you wanna date?"

You sit up and lean forward to brush your lips against his cheek."Yeah."

"Okay, cool." And then he blushes and it's the most endearing thing you have ever seen. "So uhh.. John Egbert, do you want to be my boyfriend?" 

Despite all of your fears, and intrusive thoughts tell you not to you answer, "Yes." You see a wide grin spread across Dave's face. He's never looked quite this happy, you think. You still have something to say though. "But what about... me?" 

Dave takes your hands into his and leans his forehead against yours as he says, "Dude, we will absolutely go through this together. I won't let you suffer alone. We'll figure it out, you and me. As..." and then he intertwines your fingers, "boyfriends. Remember how you said you felt better with me around?" You nod against him. "Well, now I'm going to make sure you feel as happy as you can be, 24 hours a day. Depression? She doesn't even know what to do when faced with the two of us. She's shaking at the thought of ever coming between us." He raises your hand to place a light kiss on it." We'll figure it out."

And for the first time in a long while, you believe him. With Dave here in front of you, you really feel like nothing will be able to stop you. 

For the first time in a long while you feel absolutely happy.

**Author's Note:**

> I know love doesn’t fix depression. But I wanted to write something happy for John and I think this is a good start for him. Like the title says, I think Dave would absolutely be by John’s side 24/7, all knight style, and help him get through his depression.
> 
> Anyways peace out


End file.
